It all started with a quote on social media: “Imagine if spiders screamed when you found them.”

First off, wouldn’t that make finding a spider doubly scary? At least horror movie jump scary. I, for one, am glad spiders are incapable of screaming — at least at a vibrational level that is heard by mere human ears. 

But, beyond that, this got me thinking.

What if snakes were afraid of us because our arms and legs made us look all gangly, dangly and threatening? What if they cringed at the thought of our skin — its soft and suppleness making it ugly, not at all beautifully scaly and sleek?

What if mosquitoes hated drinking our blood but they only did it because their culture told them we needed it to restore our souls, so in biting us they believed they were saving our very beings?

What if skunks loved their own scent so much they hoarded it and only shared it with humans because they wanted us enhance our trip into the forest with a whiff or two of the intoxicating aroma only they could provide?

What if dogs were secretly plotting against us with and were in cahoots with cats, both working in an attempt to first take over the household and next take over the world? What if this has already occurred but we aren’t aware of it because the dogs and cats are still incognito, acting like pets, in an ingenious application of supreme power? 

What if chickens could fly, but they don’t because they don’t want to have to go south for the winter because it’s easier to just stay in the coup? Not saying chickens are lazy or anything (just smart).

What if bees were key to one-third of the world’s food production due to their amazing pollination talents, making them essential to not only people, but the planet? 

Oh wait, they are.

What if dolphins were talking about us behind our backs? 

Oh wait, they probably are.

What if there was a creature that literally lived in, had sex in, gave birth in and ate poop? Been there, dung that.

What if most birds were born with acrophobia, and their fear kept them from flying? Would ground birds still be birds or just ostriches and penguins?

What if elephants had body-image issues? Would they eat less grass? Would a skinny elephant look more like a giraffe?

What if a zebra had an identity crisis, not know if it were black with white strips or white with black stripes so it scrubbed every inch of its body with sand and a squeegee but despite all its efforts it remained both black and white and the unknowing continued, like a thorn in its side, driving the poor zebra to the brink of insanity, simply wishing for the simple life of a horse?

What if sheep weren’t really following the crowd, but leading it, but in such an ingenious way as to hide their far superior intelligence over the human species?

What if all the species  animals — on the planet weren’t what they seemed, but were inherently worthy and capable of so much more?

What if the same could be said for humans? Wouldn’t that be grand? 

Isn’t it?

— Jill Pertler’s column Slices of Life appears regularly in the Times. She can be reached at slicescolumn@gmail.com.