It has been more than 365 days since Melissa Trumpy has been seen. The 37-year-old mother of three disappeared Oct. 26, 2021, just 13 days after her birthday. Authorities are still investigating, and the family is holding out hope to get some closure on what’s happened these past 12 months.

“She is still missing, and we are not giving up,” said Andrea Trumpy, stepmother to Dalana Trumpy, Melissa’s eldest daughter.

Melissa Trumpy is a white female, about 5-foot-10 and weighing about 160 pounds when she went missing. She has blue eyes, long blonde hair, a number of facial piercings and body tattoos. 

The day before the anniversary of her disappearance, Green County Sheriff Jeff Skatrud contacted Melissa’s mother, Denise Gilbertson, and let her know that his agency has continued to work on the case and evaluate and collect information.

“We knew today was coming. We knew the significance of it,” Skatrud said Wednesday, Oct. 26.

Dalana said her mother had “led a really hard life, so like, something was going to happen eventually. We were just not ready for how soon. And then we don’t know where she’s at, so that makes it 10-times harder.” 

Dalana, a sophomore at Monticello High School, has been trying to keep her head up this past year.

“Some days are harder than others,” she said. “I question myself sometimes. Why her? Or why us?”

Melissa’s most recent boyfriend, Derek Hammer, is thought to be the last person known to have seen Melissa, and has been uncooperative with authorities in regards to her disappearance. He currently resides in the Green County Jail, awaiting trial on several felony charges of drug and weapons possession, and bail jumping. His next court appearance is scheduled for Nov. 29, with separate 12-person trials set to begin Feb. 14 and 23, 2023.

Derek Hammer’s influence

Family of Melissa saw red flags from the start. Dalana said she remembers the first time she met Derek after he and Melissa started dating, and her gut reaction wasn’t a good one.

“The first time we all met him, he freaked out on us and walked out,” Dalana said. “I pretty much went home to them (stepmother Andrea and father John Trumpy) and said, ‘This is not going to end well.’” John Trumpy and Melissa divorced in 2010.

“You could just tell something isn’t right. It was not a good situation,” Andrea said. “We quickly learned too much, too fast. And everyone could see it but her, unfortunately.”

Dalana had already been the unofficial primary caretaker of her younger siblings, almost since their birth. It only got worse once Hammer came into their lives.

“Especially when she met Derek, I was practically getting them up every morning, getting them breakfast, getting them after school and giving them baths, putting them to bed — because he was just so controlling of her,” Dalana said.

Hammer has three open court cases in Wisconsin, and six more closed. Four of the six closed cases are traffic violations of going more than 20 mph over the speed limit. Another guilty verdict comes from malicious destruction of property, and the other case included two counts of disorderly conduct. 

Before returning to the Midwest, Hammer, from Shannon, Illinois, served less than two years at High Desert State Prison in Nevada for possessing and manufacturing explosives and battery by strangulation. According to the Las Vegas Police Department, in August 2016, he strangled a girlfriend that objected to him bringing marijuana plants into their home. 

“(She) stated she was losing breath and thought Hammer was going to ... kill her,” the arrest report states. “(Hammer) threatened to throw her over the second story balcony.”

In 2017, he appealed his case to the Nevada State Supreme Court, which was denied. In August 2018, he went in front of the Nevada parole board.

In Illinois, he faced several charges related to possession of drugs and intent to deliver. His bail in Illinois was initially set at $200,000.

The father of Melissa’s two youngest children, Ben Affrunti, said he and Melissa met Hammer together in 2019.

“We actually met him to buy some pot,” Affrunti said bluntly. He had suspected Melissa may have started taking some harder drugs — like opiates — in the months leading up to that first drug deal with Hammer, and Affrunti said Hammer had more of the hard stuff for Melissa.

“She started disappearing at night, and I found out she was going to his grow house in Illinois just south of Juda,” Affrunti said. He tried to wreck the grow house out of anger and jealously with his truck, and Melissa subsequently left him for Hammer. “Derek got Melissa strung out on hard drugs to the point where she became not much of a functioning human being. She was isolated from the kids in their own house. I felt much better when Dalana was around in the house. 

Melissa’s sister Mandy Mboge said that Derek ‘would force drugs on you’ in the sense that, when coming through the door, instead of offering food or a drink to the guest, “he’s ask if you wanted a Vicodin or a Percocet.”

Mandy said over the course of about a year, her sister quickly became addicted to narcotics and would often doze off in the middle of a conversation. 

“The hardest thing I’ve watched in life was how quickly she spiraled out of control,” Affrunti said. He said that he still loves her and had hoped she would come to her senses to leave Hammer, get clean, and rekindle their relationship.

Mandy and her young daughter Athena lived with Melissa and her kids prior to Hammer moving in. She said one night Hammer violently put his hands on Melissa, and the next day she and her daughter moved out, “because no kid should see that.”

Drugs became a mainstay in the home. Melissa said Derek’s drugs of choice were heroin and crystal methamphetamine. In the summer of 2021, Derek “coded out” on the front porch, only for Melissa to call 9-1-1, with a dose of Narcan used to revive him.

“She saved his life, and two months later he murders her,” Mandy said. Her accusation, is shared by much of the family, however, authorities have not charged him with anything in regards to her disappearance.

Matters only got worse with time. In early September 2021, with Dalana away from the home, young Matteo, then 6, was outside in the yard when Hammer came outside angry and frustrated because pills were missing, Affrunti said. Matteo then witnessed Hammer hit Melissa with a kitchen object, either a spoon or a spatula, then went and pointed a shotgun at her.

“He said he didn’t feel in danger, because Derek ‘only pointed it at mommy,’” Affrunti said. Matteo told a teacher at school, and Child Protective Services quickly investigated, referring the case to authorities.

On Sept. 11, 2021, the Stateline Area Narcotics Taskforce (SLANT), executed a warrant on Melissa’s home. Green County Deputies, Dane County Sheriff’s Office, Green County Human Services, Stateline Area Narcotics Taskforce, Green County Sheriff’s Office Special Response Team, Lafayette County Sheriff’s Office Emergency Response Team, and Monroe Police Dept. Emergency Response Team aided in the investigation and conduction of the search warrant.

After the search, Hammer was arrested for two counts disorderly conduct (domestic abuse related), battery (domestic abuse related), possession of THC (felony), possession of cocaine (2nd offense), two counts of a felon in possession of a firearm, two counts of child neglect, maintaining a drug trafficking dwelling, and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Melissa was arrested for child neglect, possession of THC, and possession of drug paraphernalia. Previously, Melissa’s legal record consisted only of minor traffic violations.

Melissa’s disappearance

Melissa’s family struggles with regret.

Mandy said the last time she saw her sister was at Melissa’s birthday, less than two weeks before her disappearance. She was angry at her sister for spiraling out of control and not heeding the advice of family.

“I didn’t hug her, say I love you or anything. I was mad. And that was the last time I saw her,” Mandy said.

Dalana said she wishes she’d have done things differently in the days leading up to her mother’s disappearance. 

“A couple days before she went missing, I sent her a big long paragraph saying how— trying to convince her how much I want her to change her life. I’m sick of being the mom when I shouldn’t be the mom. And I need my mom,” Dalana said.

Family members spoke to Trumpy the evening of Tuesday, Oct. 26, 2021 and were alerted to Trumpy’s disappearance the following morning when they received a call after Trumpy did not show up for work. She had worked a previous shift until 10:30 p.m. the night before. 

The Carroll County Sheriff Office launched an investigation looking into Trumpy’s whereabouts on Thursday, Oct. 28, 2021. It was believed Trumpy was destined to Shannon, Ill., where Derek and his mother reside. Per a court order, Derek was on a no-contact stipulation with Melissa.

A search party with dogs combed through the Freeport area for several hours with no conclusion. The family searched a 20-mile radius around Shannon, including areas of Stephenson County.

Trumpy was believed to be in a silver Toyota Tundra extended-cab truck or a white Toyota Avalon four-door sedan. The truck was later found abandoned near W. Pearl City and S. Bolton Roads in Stephenson County, Ill.

Deputies physically searched a number of properties, from her rural Monticello home to fields, woods, farms and rivers in Illinois. Search warrants and subpoenas have been requested for telephone, social media and financial records in an effort to find any activity that could give clues to her current location. Authorities in both Illinois, Wisconsin and the FBI were reportedly working the case.

“I think that they are working on things behind the scenes — things we can’t talk about — and one day he’ll (Hammer) get what he deserves,” Andrea said. “And that’s what we can hope for.”

A criminal complaint also states that “(Melissa Trumpy) Was present at (friend’s) residence…in Shannon, IL, with…Derek Hammer, in the basement.” The complaint also stated that Melissa and Derek were in and out of that home on that day.

Skatrud said his staff is still communicating with the Illinois agencies that are also working on the case. And on Oct. 25, Skatrud met with the Wis. Department of Justice’s Clearinghouse for Missing & Exploited Children & Adults, and they were creating a new poster for Melissa that should help broaden the scope of the search.

Those with tips or relevant information are urged to contact the Carroll County (Ill.) Sheriff’s office at 815-244-7867. Green County authorities can be reached at 608-328-9401.

“The biggest struggle now is we just want to bring her home. She deserves that. The kids especially deserve a place to go and see their mother, so-to-speak,” Andrea said. “That unknown is what’s the worst, I feel, at this point. We’ve accepted that she’s not probably coming back. I believe that’s accurate. We just want to bring her home, because that’s what she deserves. She didn’t deserve what happened to her.”

Family coming together

“I definitely miss being with them (Jocie, 9, and Matteo, 7) a lot, because when I lived with them, I was pretty much a parent to them. I did everything I could to help them, because my mom wasn’t, like, 100% a parent through everything she was going through, and that made me step up,” said Dalana, who now only sees her siblings a couple times a week. “Me stepping away from that makes me not as close to them, but it also makes me realize that I am a kid and I should just enjoy life, like I hadn’t been, because I was too worried about taking care of my siblings.”

Andrea said that she and her husband, John Trumpy, co-parented with Melissa and got along quite well. “Her mother and I co-parented and got along; we were friends, like adults,” she said.

That foundation of trust and understanding between the children and adults paid dividends when Melissa disappeared.

“We have all just kind of come together and co-parent all of them, really,” Andrea said. “I already was and am a big part of both of their lives, and that didn’t change. I just became more present in their lives, too.”

She said the simple skills of listening and being present went a long way in comforting the children throughout the ordeal.

“Just to be there for them and listen. Hold them when they are crying. Talk or not talk. Just be there. It’s the best way. They’ll talk when they want to talk — all of them,” Andrea said.

Not being constantly bombarded by questions at home or having the situation talked about 24/7 was important for Dalana, too.

“When it comes to me, I don’t want to actually physically hear it. It means more than that, and it means that on everything — you have to show your love by other things instead of directly. And then it gets all emotional,” Dalana said.

All three of Melissa’s children attend Monticello schools. Early on, they were asked questions and were told rumors by curious schoolmates, suggesting Melissa was dead, something Affrunti said was hard for Jocie and Matteo.

“Kids have no filter, and they’ll repeat things they hear at home,” he said. “I actually had to have that conversation with them very early on that it was a possibility. I didn’t want to give them too much false hope. When I first heard she was missing, I instantly just felt in my gut it was a worst-case scenario and there was probably little hope.”

This year the school counselors talked with the students about how to not to pry, Affrunti said. “I live in New Glarus, and we thought about having them go to school here, but honestly, Monticello is the best place for them. The entire community came together for us and the kids.”

At home, though, Affrunti said the emotions come out.

“Every day is up and down. They are doing amazing in school. I feel like Melissa gave me a big gift with these kids,” Affrunti said. “But at home it can be tough. When they are sick or injured, they still cry for mommy. There’s no way to take away that pain.” 

When her mom initially went missing, Dalana’s volleyball team was on the cusp of reaching the program’s first-ever trip to state. The team came together as a family, and the excitement and preparation in the final two weeks of the season played a big role in Dalana being able to continue moving forward, day by day.

“They definitely were very supportive of us. They showed their love not by asking how I was doing, but by hugs and little phrases, saying ‘You’ve got it next time’ if I mess up or something,” Dalana said. “They definitely never put it into a phrase like, ‘I’m sorry to hear that your mom’s missing.’ They just knew that I didn’t want that.”

Dalana said her mom loved volleyball, so winning the regional and sectional championships last year, and trying to do the same again this fall means more than just a team accomplishment. “Tells me that she’s, like, watching I guess, and proud,” Dalana said.

Dalana’s father was also an athlete and passionate about sports as a teenager, so she’s just always found sports to be her go-to activity to keep her mind off of the harder parts of life. She excels in volleyball, basketball and softball. She was an honorable mention all-conference pick last year as a freshman in both basketball and softball.

On the diamond, she plays catcher both for Monticello-New Glarus and her club team in the summer, and said the leadership role the position requires fits with her personality and playing style.

“Since I was young, I’ve always been a leader, not a follower,” Dalana said. “I’ve always been confident with my catching. Starting varsity in my freshman year catching, I knew I had to step up and be a leader. I’ve played travel softball for so long and have been in that sport forever, I just want to go far. I just want to do good, no matter if it’s a win or a loss. I want everyone to try their best.”

Andrea said it doesn’t matter what sport Dalana plays, “she’s still always getting battered and bruised,” whether it’s diving for loose balls in volleyball and basketball, or taking foul tips and balls in the dirt to the chest in softball.

“That’s just where she shines the most. She just gives her heart and lays it on the court; the softball fields — it doesn’t matter what sport, she just focuses and has fun and does her thing,” Andrea said. “She was even a manager when she was in elementary school — just to be out of the home and doing things, because it wasn’t always great. That (sports) has been her out, and always has been.”

Even outside of sports, “there’s no rest for this one,” Andrea said.

When not playing a sport, even during the summer, she’s showing pigs, working or “doing something.”

“I just kept my mind busy working throughout the week,” Dalana said.

She also has high expectations for her grades. She wasn’t pleased with her test and homework scores in years past, which in part was due to the stress of mothering her younger siblings most nights.

“I’m definitely pushing myself a lot more to be better. Last year, my grades — I’m not even satisfied with high-80s,” Dalana said. “I just want to try to be better as an individual, because I never had the opportunity, because I was always worried at home or taking care of my siblings. I never just went home and did homework — or never being a kid, I guess.”

She has goals of going to college and hoping to play a sport there — either at a DI or DII school. Then, as an adult, she thinks she’ll either go into the nursing field or try to get a job as an interior designer.

“Both my dad and mom were good in high school, but didn’t have the opportunity to go to college to play the sport that they liked,” Dalana said. “Just to do the opportunities that she would have wanted me to have done — going to college, in a sport, getting my dream job, and like, me growing up dealing with everything I had to deal with growing up with her, and knowing that it is not a good environment to be in and that I know I am going to do better in life. But then, like, also know that she’ll be right by my side.”