In our culture we don’t usually brag about snoring. It isn’t a skill we covet. It isn’t seen as a skill at all, but an embarrassing behavior beyond our control. Sort of like stinky feet or public flatulence.

I’m here today to suggest we come out from under the covers and embrace the sleepy vibrato known as snoring. When you look at it from a logical perspective, snoring can actually be perceived as a good thing. 

Before I go off on my tangent regarding the simplistic bliss of snoring, I’ll add a disclaimer here. Snoring is most often harmless, albeit loud. But in some instances, it can be a sign of obstructive sleep apnea, which is a condition that reduces airflow to the lungs and often requires medical attention. Sleep apnea is not good or funny and should not be confused with harmless snoring, which can be both. 

Let’s look at it from a logical perspective.

First the obvious: snoring means you are breathing. When you are breathing you are alive. If you are not alive you are dead. I believe the choice is clear. 

In a similar line of thinking, snoring means you are sleeping. People don’t snore when they are awake. Sleep is a good thing; unless you are operating heavy machinery. 

Further, if you are sleeping you are relaxed. Relaxation is a good thing. It reduces muscle tension, decreases stress and anxiety and lowers your heart rate and blood pressure. No one can argue with relaxation, mostly because he’s too relaxed to argue back.

You don’t have to snore yourself to reap the benefits. Lying next to a snorer is also a good thing. It means you have someone to sleep next to you. This not only helps keep you warm at night, it can give you a companion to spend time with during the day when you are both awake. This works just as well if the companion is human, canine or feline. Animals are just as competent at snoring as humans. More so, depending on the Labrador. 

If you are lucky, sleeping next to someone means you are cozying up to them and they are most likely someone you love. Cozying up is a good thing. Love is not; it is a great thing. 

To be fair, not everything about snoring is lollipops and roses. Research says it’s a factor in sleep deprivation, and not just for the person lying next to the snorer. They say snorers themselves can be sleep deprived.  I suppose if you snore loud enough you just might wake yourself up, hence the depravity.

Lots of people do lots of things to stop themselves and the people they love from snoring. It’s serious business, in the truest of business sense. Looking for a reprieve from snoring? Some of your options include: nasal strips, throat exercises, a special pillow, a mask, dental appliances and medical treatments including surgery. Or you could take it off the grid, or at least below the equator. 

Some advocate you can combat snoring by playing an Australian windpipe instrument known as the didgeridoo. I don’t think I’d advise it. I’m not even sure how to pronounce didgeridoo, much less play it. 

Wikipedia — praise be to Wiki for having all the answers — says snoring, in most cases, “is loud and unpleasant.” I beg to disagree. Snoring is like life; it all what you make of it. 

Your didgeridoo may be half empty, but I chose to make mine half full. Woot woot.

— Jill Pertler’s column Slices of Life appears in the Times. She can be reached at jillpert@mediacombb.net.