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Peters: Lessons from Mom: Becoming a gracious loser
Joe Peters

A few weeks ago the second reading at mass was from Paul’s first letter to Timothy. As I was sitting in church a line popped out to me: Compete well for the faith.

It was hard for me to regain focus for the rest of the mass, because I just let those words soak in. 

Do I compete well for the faith?

I have always been a bit of a competitor. I do like to win. Many of my friends will tell you that when playing a game there are few people that would like to win more than I do. I like to win at playing euchre, board games, trivia or while watching the occasional episode of “Jeopardy!” or “Wheel of Fortune.”

While growing up in a big family, you always have the concept of “sibling rivalry.” I have two older brothers and they were both excellent competitors in very different ways. One brother was a purely gifted athlete, fast, quick and explosive. The other brother was intelligent and very artistic. Growing up it was a pleasure to watch them both excel in very different ways. But what about me? I was semi-athletic, participating in many sports in high school — JV football, basketball, varsity track and cross-country. I was definitely not the smartest in my class with a very solid B average. I just knew that I liked to compete and I really liked to win.

There is one incident I remember growing up. I was in seventh grade on the basketball team. We were not very good. I am pretty sure we hadn’t won a game all season and we were leading into the final seconds of the game when one of their players hit a half court shot to beat us. At that point my world crumbled around me, I dropped to the floor and started crying. I was so upset, I didn’t even shake my opponents’ hands. On the way home from the game I received a very stern talking to by my mother. She was so disappointed with how I had behaved after the game. Her point was this: you need to be gracious when you win, but you also need to be gracious when you lose. She went on to say so many people never have the opportunity to even participate in a game. They don’t have a chance to represent their school community. You are given great opportunities in life; don’t squander them by being so self-centered. She let me know that there would be many games and many more competitions in life and wanted me to be glad to have the opportunity to be part of them. And when it doesn’t go your way, hold your head high, and congratulate those that do win.

To be honest, that was a turning point in my life. This talking to by my mom did not squander my competitive nature — it kind of redefined it. Although I am not a perfect competitor (I do gloat and want to win always), I do approach each competition with a desire to do my best, and acknowledge when I get beat, outplayed or outwitted. It also changed my way of treating others. From that point forward I chose to be gracious in my winning and my losing. As I enter my 29th year in education I also hope it has allowed me to instill the idea of being gracious in many students, parents and coworkers that I have had the chance to cross paths with. When we have the ability to be gracious and serve others, we can see some amazing and wonderful things happen in our community and world.

Whether you consider yourself a competitor or not, one must truly compete for the faith. The faith in humanity, the faith in doing the right thing, the faith that deep down people are good and when given the chance they will do what is right. The faith that allows us to see forgiveness and most importantly to forgive one another. We must keep competing for our faith. Not the specific faith of Christianity, Judaism or Hinduism. The faith that binds us together as humans, as a people sharing our planet, our country, our states and our community. A faith that accepts and tolerates others no matter what they look like, dress like, talk like or believe. Being a great competitor in football, volleyball or soccer is wonderful, and a true blessing to be able to do, but when the time comes, you must compete and encourage others to compete in the faith.

Finally, on a quick side note, the seventh-grade boy that hit the half-court shot to beat us passed away of a heart attack at the age of 50 this past summer. 

Artie was an amazing competitor, great tennis player, top five student in our graduating class, avid marathon runner, and a great father, coach and coworker. I look back on it and I regret not getting up off the floor of the gym so many years ago and congratulating him for hitting an amazing shot. Remember everyone, life is precious and amazing; always tell those who mean the most to you how you feel about them. Thanks so much Artie for teaching me to be a gracious loser. Rest in peace.


— Joe Peters is the principal at St. Victor School in Monroe. He can be reached at joepeters@stvictormonroe.org.