I recently attended a funeral for a family member of a friend.  As I stood in line waiting to greet the family, I couldn’t help but overhear some of the comments being made.  To be clear, every person was sincere and caring and trying to say the right thing.  Nevertheless, some folks were just uncomfortable in that situation and searching to find the right words to say.  I know how they felt.  Haven’t we all been in that situation?  There is a struggle going on between wanting to comfort and dealing with our own fears — specifically the universal fear of death.  There is also the uncertainty of how someone may be processing grief.  It is a powerfully emotional time. 

We know the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead.  Prior to that miracle, however, Jesus wept with his friends, Mary and Martha, for their brother, Lazarus.  

This story illustrates the compassion of Christ, which has united all humanity in his love.  Compassion means that we mourn with those who mourn and suffer with those who suffer.  In a certain sense, we even die with those who die.  Jesus showed us how to do this — by loving unconditionally. 

Herein is the difference between compassion and pity.  Pity is a sentiment that happens when our love is still tied to our own fears.  When we pity, we think, “Oh poor thing, how sad for them”.  We remain separate from the sufferer, where we can feel safe.  On the other hand, where our love is not controlled by our fear, we don’t pity.  We feel at one with the sufferer.  When this happens, few words are necessary when we greet the mourner for this, truly, is loving our neighbor as ourself.

— Reflections appears regularly on the religion page. The column features a variety of local writers, coordinated through the Monroe Area Clergy Group. Charles Wellington is a lifelong student of the teachings of Christ Jesus and regularly meditates with the Great Plains Zen Center in Monroe.