"On a wing and a prayer."
The phrase dates back to World War II when pilots flying planes were in dire straits. It generally means being in a difficult situation and needing the help of the Lord to make it through.
I took my first commercial jet flight last week. I'm almost 50 years old and had never previously been aloft in a plane.
I departed on Aug. 22 from Mitchell International Airport in Milwaukee with a stop-over in Atlanta, to get to my final destination of Columbia, South Carolina. My son graduated from U.S. Army Basic Training at Fort Jackson last Thursday.
Frankly, getting through airport safety was more daunting than taking to the air.
Navigating airport safety is something I took seriously well before my flight.
Transport Security Administration employees frighten me.
I checked into all the details so I didn't get yelled at or intensely searched. I figured out that my liquid personal items had to be less than 3 ounces in size - toothpaste, shampoo, shaving lotion, etc. I also learned that due to the Americans with Disabilities Act, my CPAP machine, which I use to counter sleep apnea, can be carried on a flight but can't be counted as a carry-on bag. That's a bonus.
Despite my preparation, I was not prepared for all the TSA asked me to do. I had to put all of the possessions I had carefully tucked in my pockets into a bin. They asked me to put my CPAP motor in a bin. What they didn't do was search my biggest bag. Instead they ran it through their technologically advanced X-ray and sniffer machine.
What they checked out the most was, well, me.
I had to take off my shoes, put those in a bin. Then I had to stand in a scanning machine. At one point they directed me to stand in a special area and took swabs of my hands and tested them. What they were looking for? I don't know.
It didn't really phase me, because I felt safer that they checked me out really well. I figured if they're going to scrutinize someone as average as me, they will properly check out everyone and anyone.
My anxiety over flying quickly switched from concern over being in a jet to concern over finding my way through an airport.
Atlanta International Airport is huge. It's the largest airport in the world. It was built to service the incoming traffic for the 1996 Olympics. There's even a train, more like a subway, that moves people from section to section. And each section has more than 30 gates.
When I traveled to Fort Jackson I spent 8.5 hours in terminals and airports, and of that time I was only in the air for two hours and 13 minutes.
Why did it take so long?
Airports are like malls, with stores, gourmet restaurants, "duty-free everything," food courts ... I discovered where the slowest McDonalds in the world - in my opinion - is located. It's at the Atlanta International Airport. I waited 45 minutes for a grilled chicken sandwich. To the credit of those working at the McDonald's, they served customers who each spoke a different language. I gained respect for my fellow man as seemingly everyone displayed patience.
I have seen many movies and comedy skits that feature airline attendants. It is true that the safety speech given by the attendants before the flight is absurd. The hand gestures pointing out where doors were located on the plane were alien. The explanation of what could be used as a flotation device if we crashed in water was more frightening than helpful. The news that the oxygen bag, that would drop in front of my face if the cabin lost air pressure, would still allow me to breath even if the little baggie on the bottom didn't inflate was less than comforting.
But I didn't worry about crashing. I learned that the most important thing about flying is getting to your gate on time to board the plane. I learned that paying a few bucks extra to improve the zone in which you sit on the plane is worth it - so you're on the airplane and off the airplane more quickly. I planned ahead and took both motion sickness pills and chewed gum to relieve the pressure on my eardrums, which was especially intense for me particularly during the descent of the plane.
I'm no longer afraid to fly. Instead, I have a phobia of airports. This will not keep me on the ground for long. I'm scheduled to fly again next month. I'm still going to say the Lord's Prayer before each take off and landing.
- Matt Johnson is publisher of the Monroe Times. His column is published Wednesdays.
The phrase dates back to World War II when pilots flying planes were in dire straits. It generally means being in a difficult situation and needing the help of the Lord to make it through.
I took my first commercial jet flight last week. I'm almost 50 years old and had never previously been aloft in a plane.
I departed on Aug. 22 from Mitchell International Airport in Milwaukee with a stop-over in Atlanta, to get to my final destination of Columbia, South Carolina. My son graduated from U.S. Army Basic Training at Fort Jackson last Thursday.
Frankly, getting through airport safety was more daunting than taking to the air.
Navigating airport safety is something I took seriously well before my flight.
Transport Security Administration employees frighten me.
I checked into all the details so I didn't get yelled at or intensely searched. I figured out that my liquid personal items had to be less than 3 ounces in size - toothpaste, shampoo, shaving lotion, etc. I also learned that due to the Americans with Disabilities Act, my CPAP machine, which I use to counter sleep apnea, can be carried on a flight but can't be counted as a carry-on bag. That's a bonus.
Despite my preparation, I was not prepared for all the TSA asked me to do. I had to put all of the possessions I had carefully tucked in my pockets into a bin. They asked me to put my CPAP motor in a bin. What they didn't do was search my biggest bag. Instead they ran it through their technologically advanced X-ray and sniffer machine.
What they checked out the most was, well, me.
I had to take off my shoes, put those in a bin. Then I had to stand in a scanning machine. At one point they directed me to stand in a special area and took swabs of my hands and tested them. What they were looking for? I don't know.
It didn't really phase me, because I felt safer that they checked me out really well. I figured if they're going to scrutinize someone as average as me, they will properly check out everyone and anyone.
My anxiety over flying quickly switched from concern over being in a jet to concern over finding my way through an airport.
Atlanta International Airport is huge. It's the largest airport in the world. It was built to service the incoming traffic for the 1996 Olympics. There's even a train, more like a subway, that moves people from section to section. And each section has more than 30 gates.
When I traveled to Fort Jackson I spent 8.5 hours in terminals and airports, and of that time I was only in the air for two hours and 13 minutes.
Why did it take so long?
Airports are like malls, with stores, gourmet restaurants, "duty-free everything," food courts ... I discovered where the slowest McDonalds in the world - in my opinion - is located. It's at the Atlanta International Airport. I waited 45 minutes for a grilled chicken sandwich. To the credit of those working at the McDonald's, they served customers who each spoke a different language. I gained respect for my fellow man as seemingly everyone displayed patience.
I have seen many movies and comedy skits that feature airline attendants. It is true that the safety speech given by the attendants before the flight is absurd. The hand gestures pointing out where doors were located on the plane were alien. The explanation of what could be used as a flotation device if we crashed in water was more frightening than helpful. The news that the oxygen bag, that would drop in front of my face if the cabin lost air pressure, would still allow me to breath even if the little baggie on the bottom didn't inflate was less than comforting.
But I didn't worry about crashing. I learned that the most important thing about flying is getting to your gate on time to board the plane. I learned that paying a few bucks extra to improve the zone in which you sit on the plane is worth it - so you're on the airplane and off the airplane more quickly. I planned ahead and took both motion sickness pills and chewed gum to relieve the pressure on my eardrums, which was especially intense for me particularly during the descent of the plane.
I'm no longer afraid to fly. Instead, I have a phobia of airports. This will not keep me on the ground for long. I'm scheduled to fly again next month. I'm still going to say the Lord's Prayer before each take off and landing.
- Matt Johnson is publisher of the Monroe Times. His column is published Wednesdays.
