I love holiday music. When I hear the melody of "Silent Night" or "Jingle Bells," I can't help but join in. Fortunately, I know the words to just about every Christmas song ever written. Unfortunately, not many people love hearing me sing them. I'm not gifted in that regard.
The music of the season has a special magic to it. We hear it for a short time each year and it sticks with us. It's amazing how many songs we know - by heart - from hearing them over and over through the decades. The words etch themselves permanently within us.
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Jack frost nipping at your nose. All is calm; all is bright. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh. A partridge in a pear tree.
I've wondered, what does it mean, exactly, to troll the ancient yuletide carol? When we don gay apparel, does that mean the clothing itself is happy, or wearing it makes us happy? For that matter, how does one make the yuletide gay? What sort of reindeer games did Rudolf not get to play? Who was mommy really kissing under the mistletoe last night?
I don't purport to possess all the answers to these caroling questions, but I do have a new twist to the season. Don't worry; I'm not planning to sing. I merely took creative liberties with the wording to a few perennial favorites. Just for fun.
Sung to the tune (either on key or off) of "Joy to the World," "Deck the Halls" and "White Christmas." Try 'em out at your family get-together this year. Enjoy.
"Joy to the World"
Joy to the world Black Friday has passed
The shopping season grows
Let every tree be filled with stash
And packages topped with bows
And packages topped with bows
And packages, more packages topped with bows.
Joy to the world the credit card reigns
Let's all our plastic employ
While charging to the max, credit limit strains
But you're spreading so much joy
But you're spreading so much joy
But you're spreading, spreading so darn much joy.
Don't worry now, about the bills
Or minimum payment amount
Christmas is all about the thrills
And charging to your account
And charging to your account
And charging, yes charging to your account.
Electronics rule the world, in gigabyte glory
Found at your local mall
But games and apps can't tell the story
Of the greatest gift of all
Of the greatest gift of all
Of the greatest, most worthy gift of all.
"Deck the Halls"
Hit the mall and bring your plastic (Fa la la la la, la la la la)
Finding gifts is so fantastic (Fa la la la...)
Stopping by at Bath and Body (Fa la la la...)
Victoria's Secret for your hottie (Fa la la la...).
See amazing deals before us (Fa la la la...)
Macy's, Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus (Fa la la la...)
Spending adds to festive cheer (Fa la la la...)
Swipe your card and pay next year (Fa la la la...).
Follow me through Abercrombie (Fa la la la...)
Santa looks like he's a zombie (Fa la la la...)
From our wallets cash it passes (Fa la la la...)
Celebrating with the masses (Fa la la la...).
Mailing out your family letter (Fa la la la...)
While complaining 'bout the weather (Fa la la la...)
Sing we joyous all together (Fa la la la...)
In an ugly Christmas sweater (Fa la la la...).
"White Christmas"
I'm dreaming of an unplugged Christmas
Like all the Christmases of old
Where we'd sit and babble
Play a game of Scrabble
And no iPads were bought or sold.
I'm dreaming of an unplugged Christmas
Just like our Christmas used to be
Grandpa read from the good book
There was no Kindle or Nook
And the only thing glowing was the tree.
I'm dreaming of an unplugged Christmas
Like back when Google was hardly a word
Frosty was a new guy
There was no WiFi
No one texted, and tweets came from a bird.
I'm dreaming of an unplugged Christmas
Just like the ones we used to know
May your holidays be filled with love and cheer
And may you have a wonder-filled New Year.
- Jill Pertler's column appears every Thursday in the Times. She can be reached at pertmn@qwest.net.
The music of the season has a special magic to it. We hear it for a short time each year and it sticks with us. It's amazing how many songs we know - by heart - from hearing them over and over through the decades. The words etch themselves permanently within us.
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Jack frost nipping at your nose. All is calm; all is bright. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh. A partridge in a pear tree.
I've wondered, what does it mean, exactly, to troll the ancient yuletide carol? When we don gay apparel, does that mean the clothing itself is happy, or wearing it makes us happy? For that matter, how does one make the yuletide gay? What sort of reindeer games did Rudolf not get to play? Who was mommy really kissing under the mistletoe last night?
I don't purport to possess all the answers to these caroling questions, but I do have a new twist to the season. Don't worry; I'm not planning to sing. I merely took creative liberties with the wording to a few perennial favorites. Just for fun.
Sung to the tune (either on key or off) of "Joy to the World," "Deck the Halls" and "White Christmas." Try 'em out at your family get-together this year. Enjoy.
"Joy to the World"
Joy to the world Black Friday has passed
The shopping season grows
Let every tree be filled with stash
And packages topped with bows
And packages topped with bows
And packages, more packages topped with bows.
Joy to the world the credit card reigns
Let's all our plastic employ
While charging to the max, credit limit strains
But you're spreading so much joy
But you're spreading so much joy
But you're spreading, spreading so darn much joy.
Don't worry now, about the bills
Or minimum payment amount
Christmas is all about the thrills
And charging to your account
And charging to your account
And charging, yes charging to your account.
Electronics rule the world, in gigabyte glory
Found at your local mall
But games and apps can't tell the story
Of the greatest gift of all
Of the greatest gift of all
Of the greatest, most worthy gift of all.
"Deck the Halls"
Hit the mall and bring your plastic (Fa la la la la, la la la la)
Finding gifts is so fantastic (Fa la la la...)
Stopping by at Bath and Body (Fa la la la...)
Victoria's Secret for your hottie (Fa la la la...).
See amazing deals before us (Fa la la la...)
Macy's, Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus (Fa la la la...)
Spending adds to festive cheer (Fa la la la...)
Swipe your card and pay next year (Fa la la la...).
Follow me through Abercrombie (Fa la la la...)
Santa looks like he's a zombie (Fa la la la...)
From our wallets cash it passes (Fa la la la...)
Celebrating with the masses (Fa la la la...).
Mailing out your family letter (Fa la la la...)
While complaining 'bout the weather (Fa la la la...)
Sing we joyous all together (Fa la la la...)
In an ugly Christmas sweater (Fa la la la...).
"White Christmas"
I'm dreaming of an unplugged Christmas
Like all the Christmases of old
Where we'd sit and babble
Play a game of Scrabble
And no iPads were bought or sold.
I'm dreaming of an unplugged Christmas
Just like our Christmas used to be
Grandpa read from the good book
There was no Kindle or Nook
And the only thing glowing was the tree.
I'm dreaming of an unplugged Christmas
Like back when Google was hardly a word
Frosty was a new guy
There was no WiFi
No one texted, and tweets came from a bird.
I'm dreaming of an unplugged Christmas
Just like the ones we used to know
May your holidays be filled with love and cheer
And may you have a wonder-filled New Year.
- Jill Pertler's column appears every Thursday in the Times. She can be reached at pertmn@qwest.net.