Folks, consider yourselves warned: This is going to be the most unorthodox article you may ever read.
I say that, because as I flip through the pages of newspapers and magazines, or click onto someone's blog, I am amazed at how precise and meticulous many of these works come across. These professional writers are able to present their point, then back it up with a rock-solid, seemingly bulletproof prose. I envision many of these authors sitting in the comfort and formality of a leather-bound armchair, legal books on shelves in the background, and perhaps a fireplace off to the side. It is under such surroundings that these artists confidently compose their writings, well in advance of deadlines.
I, on the other hand, represent the exact opposite of the above. In a dark twist of humor, I would like to take this opportunity to go over my day. As I write this very sentence, it is midnight, meaning I have been out of bed and fully active for 18 straight hours - welcome to harvest season! The funny thing is, today is not the exception.
So, like I said, at this moment I represent the opposite of my sophisticated literary colleagues. I have not shaved in three days, I need to take a shower, and I am not wearing a shirt. Throw a rum and coke into the mix, and like I said - unorthodox.
At times like these, I have a tendency to pick up my old travel journals. I find it intriguing to learn what I was up to in times past, and in a pinch I usually can scrounge up enough material to cough out an article (especially when I find myself in a bind, like right now). Folks, if you have never written, or kept a journal, you are truly missing out. I have audibly laughed out loud, reminiscing of times past, or reliving scenarios that otherwise would have been lost to the vagary of time. Of course, there is a huge risk associated with keeping a journal. I would not want 78 percent of what is written on those pages to ever be seen by my kids, but, hey, just another reason not to have any.
Oh, this is interesting! Just four years ago I was studying at La Trobe University in Melbourne, Australia. How is this for a telling journal entry, verbatim: "October 30, 2005. This afternoon was the 'More Beer' party. Seriously, only in Australia will you find a student club called the 'More Beer Club'. Yeah, $10 gets you all you can eat and drink. Got maggoted. Thursday night was the International Night Party, which was AWESOME. Snags really is a top dude. Friday slept till 3 p.m."
Folks, there is something that no one will ever be able to sugarcoat about Australians, and that is in regard to the unhealthy, copious amounts of alcohol they drink. This is to be expected - with so many poisonous, deadly creatures lurking about, what kind of threat could a beer possibly pose? This came as a shock, even to me. At the semester's end, the dorm complex I stayed in threw a party that lasted FIVE days, literally. Here is a journal entry from Day 4 of the party, edited for language: "GOD it was funny when Rob drove his car onto the courtyard! I cannot believe that he didn't smash into something, considering how totally BLIND he was! Even left some burnout marks on the grass. In fact, the car is still out there - I can see it out my window. Rob passed out in the front seat shortly after parking it..."
For the record, The Times, Dan Wegmueller, and the government of Australia do not encourage, or approve of, such use of an automobile under such circumstances (but it was still funny). For his stunt, Rob got kicked out of college, two days before his final exam.
After the semester ended, I remember going to a weekend waterski camp in northern Victoria. I remember going, I remember running the slalom course, but thanks to my journal, I also remember the following incident:
"Absolutely AWESOME night, to VFW in Deniliquin for dinner. Played chicken game with Rob, who is hilarious. Even beat Kenny at arm wrestling. Caught the 1 a.m. bus back to park with everyone, sat by river. Crystal clear night - could see as many stars as on Barrier Reef. Neil and Raff eventually showed up, get this! Neil had nine stitches from someone who threw a beer bottle at him, and Raff got picked up by the cops. Well, at least I had a good night! Oh yeah, Rob walked home naked down the middle of the street."
Well, friends, like I said, keep a journal, but don't let your kids see them (conversely, don't have kids - then you can have as many journals as you like, AND walk around the house in your underwear like I do)! Folks, it has been a long day, thank you for bearing with me, and hopefully you got a laugh from this as well.
As I write this sentence, I have a mere five hours before my day begins all over again. In the meantime, I am finally going to crawl into bed, where my wife has been sleeping since before I got home! The memories of La Trobe, waterski camp, and Australia will be put aside, shelved until another time. There is no place on earth I would rather be going, than where I am headed now.
- Dan Wegmueller is a columnist for The Monroe Times. He can be reached at dwegs@tds.net.
I say that, because as I flip through the pages of newspapers and magazines, or click onto someone's blog, I am amazed at how precise and meticulous many of these works come across. These professional writers are able to present their point, then back it up with a rock-solid, seemingly bulletproof prose. I envision many of these authors sitting in the comfort and formality of a leather-bound armchair, legal books on shelves in the background, and perhaps a fireplace off to the side. It is under such surroundings that these artists confidently compose their writings, well in advance of deadlines.
I, on the other hand, represent the exact opposite of the above. In a dark twist of humor, I would like to take this opportunity to go over my day. As I write this very sentence, it is midnight, meaning I have been out of bed and fully active for 18 straight hours - welcome to harvest season! The funny thing is, today is not the exception.
So, like I said, at this moment I represent the opposite of my sophisticated literary colleagues. I have not shaved in three days, I need to take a shower, and I am not wearing a shirt. Throw a rum and coke into the mix, and like I said - unorthodox.
At times like these, I have a tendency to pick up my old travel journals. I find it intriguing to learn what I was up to in times past, and in a pinch I usually can scrounge up enough material to cough out an article (especially when I find myself in a bind, like right now). Folks, if you have never written, or kept a journal, you are truly missing out. I have audibly laughed out loud, reminiscing of times past, or reliving scenarios that otherwise would have been lost to the vagary of time. Of course, there is a huge risk associated with keeping a journal. I would not want 78 percent of what is written on those pages to ever be seen by my kids, but, hey, just another reason not to have any.
Oh, this is interesting! Just four years ago I was studying at La Trobe University in Melbourne, Australia. How is this for a telling journal entry, verbatim: "October 30, 2005. This afternoon was the 'More Beer' party. Seriously, only in Australia will you find a student club called the 'More Beer Club'. Yeah, $10 gets you all you can eat and drink. Got maggoted. Thursday night was the International Night Party, which was AWESOME. Snags really is a top dude. Friday slept till 3 p.m."
Folks, there is something that no one will ever be able to sugarcoat about Australians, and that is in regard to the unhealthy, copious amounts of alcohol they drink. This is to be expected - with so many poisonous, deadly creatures lurking about, what kind of threat could a beer possibly pose? This came as a shock, even to me. At the semester's end, the dorm complex I stayed in threw a party that lasted FIVE days, literally. Here is a journal entry from Day 4 of the party, edited for language: "GOD it was funny when Rob drove his car onto the courtyard! I cannot believe that he didn't smash into something, considering how totally BLIND he was! Even left some burnout marks on the grass. In fact, the car is still out there - I can see it out my window. Rob passed out in the front seat shortly after parking it..."
For the record, The Times, Dan Wegmueller, and the government of Australia do not encourage, or approve of, such use of an automobile under such circumstances (but it was still funny). For his stunt, Rob got kicked out of college, two days before his final exam.
After the semester ended, I remember going to a weekend waterski camp in northern Victoria. I remember going, I remember running the slalom course, but thanks to my journal, I also remember the following incident:
"Absolutely AWESOME night, to VFW in Deniliquin for dinner. Played chicken game with Rob, who is hilarious. Even beat Kenny at arm wrestling. Caught the 1 a.m. bus back to park with everyone, sat by river. Crystal clear night - could see as many stars as on Barrier Reef. Neil and Raff eventually showed up, get this! Neil had nine stitches from someone who threw a beer bottle at him, and Raff got picked up by the cops. Well, at least I had a good night! Oh yeah, Rob walked home naked down the middle of the street."
Well, friends, like I said, keep a journal, but don't let your kids see them (conversely, don't have kids - then you can have as many journals as you like, AND walk around the house in your underwear like I do)! Folks, it has been a long day, thank you for bearing with me, and hopefully you got a laugh from this as well.
As I write this sentence, I have a mere five hours before my day begins all over again. In the meantime, I am finally going to crawl into bed, where my wife has been sleeping since before I got home! The memories of La Trobe, waterski camp, and Australia will be put aside, shelved until another time. There is no place on earth I would rather be going, than where I am headed now.
- Dan Wegmueller is a columnist for The Monroe Times. He can be reached at dwegs@tds.net.
