MONROE - Tanya Liphardt, South Wayne, and Mickey Soddy, Monroe, have something in common - each of the young mothers has lost three babies. They also have something else in common - they thought they were the only ones who had suffered such terrible losses.
Liphardt lost triplet sons in March of 2011, in the 22nd week of her pregnancy. She was 25 at the time.
Soddy lost a daughter five years ago, just one week before she was due to deliver; she was 23. She has had two miscarriages since then, in 2008 and 2009.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Liphardt and Soddy spoke publicly last week about their experiences, in an effort to alert other women and their families about the Sharing Angels Support Group that both women now attend.
"I was hesitant at first," Liphardt said. "I didn't think it happened as much as it does."
Every day in the United States, 2,000 women lose a baby during pregnancy or shortly after birth (infant loss), according to the group. That's 700,000 babies a year born to moms, dads, sisters, brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends who miss them every day.
In 2010 in Green County, there were four fetal deaths (from gestation up to 20 weeks of pregnancy), three neonatal deaths (up to 28 days old) and 1 postneonatal death (from 28 days to one year old), according to the most recent information from the Wisconsin Department of Health Services. Lafayette County had one fetal death, two neonatal deaths and one post neonatal death.
Both women say meeting and talking with other mothers who have had similar losses is helpful, and they in turn stay in the group to help those who come in after them.
"I want them to know they're not alone, there are lots of groups," Liphardt said. She said she didn't even think to look for a support group near her home, even though the Madison hospital where she delivered had several.
"It's not about just the physical loss," said Soddy, "it's all the hopes and dreams, especially with a stillbirth a week before you're due. She should be starting kindergarten this fall. It's all those milestones. You never forget."
Soddy said she "went on auto pilot" and "lived in a bubble" after her first pregnancy.
"I just did whatever - went to work, dyed my hair blue - because I didn't know what else to do," she said. "Nobody in my side of the family even had a miscarriage."
Both women encourage mothers to talk with professionals, support group members or friends and family. They credit their extended families for helping them through some of the difficult emotional times
"It's good to talk about it. My family is very supportive," Liphardt said. "They recognize (the triplets) all the time."
She and husband Jason have planted a tree in the public park and release balloons on special days of remembrance. A small angel statue, to represent all the boys, sits on the table at family holidays.
Soddy and her husband Josh bought rings after losing their daughter - she picked out a ring with her daughter's birthstone. They participate in the Walk to Remembrance ceremony in Freeport.
But Soddy and Liphardt probably most treasure their children's physical objects - their pictures, their blankets, their wrist bands.
Soddy keeps a bouquet of dried flowers. Their daughter, Alexis Grace, nicknamed Lexi, is buried in a local cemetery, in a family plot that she and Josh, at age 23, bought for her. She finds comfort in knowing she and Josh will be buried next to her, one on each side.
Jordan, who miscarried in the 11th week of pregnancy, is buried with other babies miscarried the same year. Soddy has no remembrance items from Taylor who miscarried at seven weeks. They were given gender neutral names, because their sexes were not known.
Liphardt's triplet sons, Liam Jay, Brock Milton and Sawyer Richard were cremated, and their urns sit in their home. She holds them, as well as their clothes and blankets. Pictures adorn the house.
"I'm not going to hide them," she said. Her other two children, both girls, Bailey, 5, and Bralyn, 4, "know they have brothers who died and "are now in god's house," she added.
If it were not for the urns, or the pictures, blankets and clothes, Liphardt said the recurring feelings of loss would be harder to manage. What things parents keep of their children or what they do to remember them varies, she said, but they may want to hold on to some things, because 10 years down the road, they may wish to hold them again.
Soddy warns that post-traumatic stress, hormonal changes and postpartum depressions combined are "very, very bad," but talking and medication are available to help.
"Medication is not a bad thing," she said. "And it doesn't have to be a forever thing."
"I didn't realize how many people in the community have had miscarriages," she said. "Until you have a loss, you don't know, and then you realize there are others who have the same experience."
People ask her why she would try to get pregnant again, after so many heartbreaking disappointments.
"I tell them, don't I deserve a family, too?" she said.
"My children are part of me," Soddy said. "We are moving forward, not 'moving on' - we're not forgetting."
Her son, Mason, 3, is very independent - and a delightful handful. And she and Josh are expecting a daughter. Her sex is not a secret, but her name will remain only for mom and dad to know, until she arrives next month.
Liphardt lost triplet sons in March of 2011, in the 22nd week of her pregnancy. She was 25 at the time.
Soddy lost a daughter five years ago, just one week before she was due to deliver; she was 23. She has had two miscarriages since then, in 2008 and 2009.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Liphardt and Soddy spoke publicly last week about their experiences, in an effort to alert other women and their families about the Sharing Angels Support Group that both women now attend.
"I was hesitant at first," Liphardt said. "I didn't think it happened as much as it does."
Every day in the United States, 2,000 women lose a baby during pregnancy or shortly after birth (infant loss), according to the group. That's 700,000 babies a year born to moms, dads, sisters, brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends who miss them every day.
In 2010 in Green County, there were four fetal deaths (from gestation up to 20 weeks of pregnancy), three neonatal deaths (up to 28 days old) and 1 postneonatal death (from 28 days to one year old), according to the most recent information from the Wisconsin Department of Health Services. Lafayette County had one fetal death, two neonatal deaths and one post neonatal death.
Both women say meeting and talking with other mothers who have had similar losses is helpful, and they in turn stay in the group to help those who come in after them.
"I want them to know they're not alone, there are lots of groups," Liphardt said. She said she didn't even think to look for a support group near her home, even though the Madison hospital where she delivered had several.
"It's not about just the physical loss," said Soddy, "it's all the hopes and dreams, especially with a stillbirth a week before you're due. She should be starting kindergarten this fall. It's all those milestones. You never forget."
Soddy said she "went on auto pilot" and "lived in a bubble" after her first pregnancy.
"I just did whatever - went to work, dyed my hair blue - because I didn't know what else to do," she said. "Nobody in my side of the family even had a miscarriage."
Both women encourage mothers to talk with professionals, support group members or friends and family. They credit their extended families for helping them through some of the difficult emotional times
"It's good to talk about it. My family is very supportive," Liphardt said. "They recognize (the triplets) all the time."
She and husband Jason have planted a tree in the public park and release balloons on special days of remembrance. A small angel statue, to represent all the boys, sits on the table at family holidays.
Soddy and her husband Josh bought rings after losing their daughter - she picked out a ring with her daughter's birthstone. They participate in the Walk to Remembrance ceremony in Freeport.
But Soddy and Liphardt probably most treasure their children's physical objects - their pictures, their blankets, their wrist bands.
Soddy keeps a bouquet of dried flowers. Their daughter, Alexis Grace, nicknamed Lexi, is buried in a local cemetery, in a family plot that she and Josh, at age 23, bought for her. She finds comfort in knowing she and Josh will be buried next to her, one on each side.
Jordan, who miscarried in the 11th week of pregnancy, is buried with other babies miscarried the same year. Soddy has no remembrance items from Taylor who miscarried at seven weeks. They were given gender neutral names, because their sexes were not known.
Liphardt's triplet sons, Liam Jay, Brock Milton and Sawyer Richard were cremated, and their urns sit in their home. She holds them, as well as their clothes and blankets. Pictures adorn the house.
"I'm not going to hide them," she said. Her other two children, both girls, Bailey, 5, and Bralyn, 4, "know they have brothers who died and "are now in god's house," she added.
If it were not for the urns, or the pictures, blankets and clothes, Liphardt said the recurring feelings of loss would be harder to manage. What things parents keep of their children or what they do to remember them varies, she said, but they may want to hold on to some things, because 10 years down the road, they may wish to hold them again.
Soddy warns that post-traumatic stress, hormonal changes and postpartum depressions combined are "very, very bad," but talking and medication are available to help.
"Medication is not a bad thing," she said. "And it doesn't have to be a forever thing."
"I didn't realize how many people in the community have had miscarriages," she said. "Until you have a loss, you don't know, and then you realize there are others who have the same experience."
People ask her why she would try to get pregnant again, after so many heartbreaking disappointments.
"I tell them, don't I deserve a family, too?" she said.
"My children are part of me," Soddy said. "We are moving forward, not 'moving on' - we're not forgetting."
Her son, Mason, 3, is very independent - and a delightful handful. And she and Josh are expecting a daughter. Her sex is not a secret, but her name will remain only for mom and dad to know, until she arrives next month.