Dear National Organization Representing Senior Citizens,
Thank you for sending me a temporary membership card along with an invitation to join your club. Unfortunately I won't be able to use either for some time. As much as I appreciate your (multiple) attempts to correspond with me, I'm afraid you have me confused with someone else.
Although I hope to enroll some day, I do not possess the prerequisites for membership in your organization. It's a numbers thing and I haven't reached the peak. I'm still climbing (the hill, that is) and I'm not quite over it yet.
Oh, sure, my knees give an occasional creak and the old get-up-and-go doesn't always go like it used to, but I am far from achieving the numerical status needed to join your club. At least I think I am. I sometimes experience difficulties remembering things - like my age - but I am pretty sure I am decades away from a senior discount.
Of course, I do engage in the (occasional) afternoon nap. Isn't that what Saturdays were made for? I believe youngsters nap with regularity, so 40-winks does not put one anywhere except tired. Sometimes I get tired. More often lately. Especially after my last birthday, when the flames from the candles lit up the kitchen like a torch.
I admit I am familiar with the term "Early Bird Special." Does this prove anything other than the fact that I am blessed with a healthy appetite? I think not. Eating before 5 p.m. says nothing about one's age, does it?
I also must confess: gravity is becoming more real with each passing year, and certain parts of my body seem to be sinking downward.
I have been known to tell the same story over and over. This isn't a sign of age; more that I am interesting -- or at least interested, in myself.
I also must confess: gravity is becoming more real with each passing year, and certain parts of my body seem to be sinking downward. Did I say already?
However, when I currently speak of retiring, I am referring to bedtime or perhaps the wheels on my minivan - certainly not my career. I've got plenty of time clocks to punch before I sleep.
I understand the benefits of membership in your club. The potential for driving discounts is especially attractive. I am an exceptionally safe driver and pride myself on traveling at least 5 miles under the speed limit at all times. I also like to use the left lane whenever possible. It's less congested and I feel safer over there.
I also appreciate the impact of insurance discounts and restaurant coupons. I hope to have them in my fanny pack someday. For now, though, I am still a youngster who regrettably is not eligible to be a part of your grand organization.
Never fear about the temporary membership card falling into the wrong hands. I will cut it up and throw it away - or I would - if I could remember where I put it. I have lost track of it. Perhaps it's under my green bananas. If I could find my bifocals, I'd be able to look, but it seems I've misplaced them again.
- Jill Pertler's column appears every Thursday in the Times. She can be reached at pertmn@qwest.net.
Thank you for sending me a temporary membership card along with an invitation to join your club. Unfortunately I won't be able to use either for some time. As much as I appreciate your (multiple) attempts to correspond with me, I'm afraid you have me confused with someone else.
Although I hope to enroll some day, I do not possess the prerequisites for membership in your organization. It's a numbers thing and I haven't reached the peak. I'm still climbing (the hill, that is) and I'm not quite over it yet.
Oh, sure, my knees give an occasional creak and the old get-up-and-go doesn't always go like it used to, but I am far from achieving the numerical status needed to join your club. At least I think I am. I sometimes experience difficulties remembering things - like my age - but I am pretty sure I am decades away from a senior discount.
Of course, I do engage in the (occasional) afternoon nap. Isn't that what Saturdays were made for? I believe youngsters nap with regularity, so 40-winks does not put one anywhere except tired. Sometimes I get tired. More often lately. Especially after my last birthday, when the flames from the candles lit up the kitchen like a torch.
I admit I am familiar with the term "Early Bird Special." Does this prove anything other than the fact that I am blessed with a healthy appetite? I think not. Eating before 5 p.m. says nothing about one's age, does it?
I also must confess: gravity is becoming more real with each passing year, and certain parts of my body seem to be sinking downward.
I have been known to tell the same story over and over. This isn't a sign of age; more that I am interesting -- or at least interested, in myself.
I also must confess: gravity is becoming more real with each passing year, and certain parts of my body seem to be sinking downward. Did I say already?
However, when I currently speak of retiring, I am referring to bedtime or perhaps the wheels on my minivan - certainly not my career. I've got plenty of time clocks to punch before I sleep.
I understand the benefits of membership in your club. The potential for driving discounts is especially attractive. I am an exceptionally safe driver and pride myself on traveling at least 5 miles under the speed limit at all times. I also like to use the left lane whenever possible. It's less congested and I feel safer over there.
I also appreciate the impact of insurance discounts and restaurant coupons. I hope to have them in my fanny pack someday. For now, though, I am still a youngster who regrettably is not eligible to be a part of your grand organization.
Never fear about the temporary membership card falling into the wrong hands. I will cut it up and throw it away - or I would - if I could remember where I put it. I have lost track of it. Perhaps it's under my green bananas. If I could find my bifocals, I'd be able to look, but it seems I've misplaced them again.
- Jill Pertler's column appears every Thursday in the Times. She can be reached at pertmn@qwest.net.
