We all experience tough times. And you know what? It’s okay.

Not the tough times, but the way we deal with them. However we deal with them. 

It’s okay.

However it looks; however it is. Our response, our fortitude (or lack thereof). Our strengths. Our weaknesses. The good days. The bad. Finding happiness. Accepting sorrow. Sometimes (oftentimes) living a life you never would have or could have or wanted to imagine.

It’s okay.

It has to be. Sometimes we don’t have a choice.

In my darkest days, I found myself trying to self-comfort my own devastation. In those moments, when I was literally at the end of my coping skills, I often found myself whispering the same phrase over and over again:

It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. Like saying the words could make it so.

Sometimes I repeated the words a few times, other times it was dozens — whatever it took to get me through the mini-crisis and breathing normally again.

Because that’s what we all want, don’t we? To get over each crisis and have the luxury of breathing normally again. 

If you don’t understand that last sentence, consider yourself fortunate.

But, the truth of life is that we all go through tough times — hard times — and we all have our own mantras, whether we are cognizant of them or not.

Thing is, you want to make sure you choose your mantra and not let your mantra choose you. So many of us go through life with blinders on, not aware that the mantra we are mantra-ing can be damaging to our soul and our psyche.

“I’m too fat.” “I’m ugly.” “I’m not smart.” “I’m not good enough.” “They don’t like me.” “I’m going to fail.” “Everyone’s against me.” “It’s not okay.”

And so on, when none of this is true. 

Repeat that to yourself: None of those negative thoughts that want to creep in, oh so furtively, in the dark corners of the night, are true. Not in the least.

But our default voice, our default mantra will try to convince us they are. Don’t believe that voice. It speaks anything but the truth. Our own inner voice often speaks lies, because it is not, truly, our inner voice.

And, therein lies the reason why we need to be mindful of our inner mantra: The sentence we repeat over and over to ourselves when things go south and life seems less than ideal.

I started with something a little more complicated and biblical, but I found in the darkest moments I needed the simplest phrase I could think of: It’s okay.

When my husband died and I couldn’t fathom the reality that was now mine.

It’s okay.

When I delayed going to bed because sleep was elusive.

It’s okay.

When I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning because my purpose was no longer evident.

It’s okay.

When I woke up in the middle of the night and realized (again) that no one was lying beside me.

It’s okay.

And when life turned around, and I had a pretty good day.

It’s okay.

And so on. 

Make you mantra simple. Make it yours and most of all make it positive.

So that when you fall in love again — with an experience, a hobby, yourself, another person and most importantly, life — you’ll know exactly what to say.

It’s okay!

And know that at some point it will be not just okay, but more than okay. 

I’m trusting in that.

— Jill Pertler’s column Slices of Life appears regularly in the Times. She can be reached at slicescolumn@gmail.com.