Blowing out 18 candles on your birthday cake is a huge milestone. It happens in an instant. You are an adult! As such, you can vote and get married. You can serve in the military, get a tattoo, go to a casino, donate blood and get called for jury duty. You can even win the lottery (because you are finally old enough to buy a ticket).
Even though you can do all these things (and more) being 18 does not make you a grown-up.
I’ve witnessed this firsthand with some of my own kids. They are young adults and independent in so many ways but they are not yet grown-ups because being an adult and being a grown-up are two different things. One is immediate and automatic, the other is not.
A grown-up has the ability to discern a running toilet from anywhere in the house. This is accompanied by the inability to ignore a running toilet from anywhere in the house — even and especially at 2:00 a.m. An adult flushes and doesn’t give it a second thought or listen.
When you are an adult, you eat when you are hungry, whatever time of the day (or night) that might be — even and especially at 2:00 a.m. When you are a grown-up you anticipate other people’s hunger more than your own.
When a grown-up sees a police car in the rearview mirror he experiences a sense of security. An adult breaks out in a sweat and hopes he wasn’t speeding — again.
Adults have been known to lie about their age by increasing it. Grown-ups have been known to lie about their age by decreasing it.
Adults pay the rent; grown-ups pay the mortgage. Adults have jobs; grown-ups have careers. Adults stay up way past midnight; grown-ups attempt to stay up past midnight when they are waiting for their adults to return home. Adults wake up late on a Saturday morning; it’s the perfect time to catch up on sleep. Grown-ups see the weekend as a perfect time to catch up on yard work.
Grown-ups cut the cheddar on the cutting board. Adults cut the cheese wherever they can. Grown-ups secure the bread bag with the twist tie after making a sandwich. Adults aren’t aware there is an actual purpose for a twist tie.
Adults put their dirty dishes in the sink. Grown-ups rinse their own dishes along with whatever other dishes adults have left in the sink, put them in the dishwasher, run the dishwasher and return two hours later to unload it.
When you are an adult, the best part of the holidays is getting presents. When you are a grown-up, the best part is giving them.
Adults do not consider it out of the ordinary to watch an entire season of “The Walking Dead” on Netflix in one day. Grown-ups watch one episode each week. They are aware there is a way to buzz through commercials, but that seems like a lot of work.
Adults run to the grocery store to grab something for dinner — usually from the frozen foods section. Grown-ups go to the store with a list and spend a considerable amount of time contemplating produce and whether organic really is worth the extra money.
Grown-ups keep an accurate budget of spending and income. Adults say, “Budge-what?”
Adulthood is awarded to you on your eighteenth birthday. Growing up is a process. For some of us, it is a never-ending one. I’ve always said, “Growing up is realizing there is no such thing.” If this is true, none of us will ever be completely done growing up. I kind of like that thought.
— Jill Pertler’s column Slices of Life appears regularly in the Times. She can be reached at
slicescolumn@gmail.com.
