I have long lamented that the problem with growing older is that the toys get more expensive. I remember in early grade school, when a measly $20 for a Lego set seemed like an unobtainable dream. Although I hardly feel any different now than I did two decades ago, the toys I long to play with need financing, insurance, gasoline, oil - as well as batteries.
It is worth pointing out, that I have something of a familial relationship to the objects in my garage, as every guy does - whether he admits it or not. I have names for my motorcycles, based on their utility and assigned personality. Even my lawnmower has character traits.
These "things" have all been an important part of my life, have shaped events, and defined me as a person. As the saying goes, you can tell a lot about someone by his or her friends, and the same can be true about the stuff they accumulate. I just thank God that my 2002 Dodge Dakota cannot talk.
Up until now, my garage has been a happy, cohesive family. Unfortunately, every family has a crazy aunt or uncle, bratty cousin or angry stepchild. Every family is embarrassed by at least one of its members. Just ask my sister - she has to constantly remind her son not to repeat anything his uncle Dan says, particularly at school.
As it turns out, my family is no different. With a Kawasaki, Yamaha, John Deere and Dodge already in the ranks, it was natural for me to acquire a Honda ATV. After all, a four-wheeler is an essential tool of a farm, so I purchased a 2007 Rincon 4x4. I even picked out a name, as is the tradition here at the Wegmueller household. Thus, based on its usefulness, origin, and function, my (then) new ATV was dubbed "Caesar, the Working-Middle-Class."
At first, it seemed a perfect match. I used the ATV to commute between farms, my chocolate lab Bruno happily riding along. I used Caesar to build cattle fences, scout crops, and could cruise at a top speed of 60 mph - not bad for the working middle class.
All of this euphoria proved to be short-lived.
Now, I am not going to rip on Honda, or the dealership from where Caesar originated, but this ATV has proven to be every bit the spoiled, whinny brat.
First, the lights quit working. Then, I noticed a distinct lack of power. Seriously - Caesar suddenly had a top speed of 30 mph. Unacceptable. Finally, a shifting issue made it impossible for me to shift into drive or reverse, unless the engine was shut off. Oh, and despite the touted fuel injection, this thing refused to start in winter.
Do I need to continue? Well, I will.
Caesar also developed a nasty habit of shifting into neutral while underway. Literally, I would be cruising along at speed when it would suddenly jerk violently in and out of gear, dumping poor Bruno off the back. Oh, and because of the aforementioned shifting issue, I would have to come to a complete stop, turn off the engine, shift back into drive, and restart before I could continue.
By the way, I purchased Caesar brand-spanking new in April of 2008. In the past two and a half years, this disgrace of a machine has, literally, cost me more in repairs than my Dodge Dakota has cumulatively since 2002. Thus, it was with pure ecstasy that I cut the cord last week and finally replaced the bratty and tantrum-throwing ATV. A John Deere Gator XUV now occupies Caesar's spot in the garage.
I'll think of a name later.
- Dan Wegmueller of
Monroe writes a weekly
column for the Times.
He can be reached at dwegs@tds.net.
It is worth pointing out, that I have something of a familial relationship to the objects in my garage, as every guy does - whether he admits it or not. I have names for my motorcycles, based on their utility and assigned personality. Even my lawnmower has character traits.
These "things" have all been an important part of my life, have shaped events, and defined me as a person. As the saying goes, you can tell a lot about someone by his or her friends, and the same can be true about the stuff they accumulate. I just thank God that my 2002 Dodge Dakota cannot talk.
Up until now, my garage has been a happy, cohesive family. Unfortunately, every family has a crazy aunt or uncle, bratty cousin or angry stepchild. Every family is embarrassed by at least one of its members. Just ask my sister - she has to constantly remind her son not to repeat anything his uncle Dan says, particularly at school.
As it turns out, my family is no different. With a Kawasaki, Yamaha, John Deere and Dodge already in the ranks, it was natural for me to acquire a Honda ATV. After all, a four-wheeler is an essential tool of a farm, so I purchased a 2007 Rincon 4x4. I even picked out a name, as is the tradition here at the Wegmueller household. Thus, based on its usefulness, origin, and function, my (then) new ATV was dubbed "Caesar, the Working-Middle-Class."
At first, it seemed a perfect match. I used the ATV to commute between farms, my chocolate lab Bruno happily riding along. I used Caesar to build cattle fences, scout crops, and could cruise at a top speed of 60 mph - not bad for the working middle class.
All of this euphoria proved to be short-lived.
Now, I am not going to rip on Honda, or the dealership from where Caesar originated, but this ATV has proven to be every bit the spoiled, whinny brat.
First, the lights quit working. Then, I noticed a distinct lack of power. Seriously - Caesar suddenly had a top speed of 30 mph. Unacceptable. Finally, a shifting issue made it impossible for me to shift into drive or reverse, unless the engine was shut off. Oh, and despite the touted fuel injection, this thing refused to start in winter.
Do I need to continue? Well, I will.
Caesar also developed a nasty habit of shifting into neutral while underway. Literally, I would be cruising along at speed when it would suddenly jerk violently in and out of gear, dumping poor Bruno off the back. Oh, and because of the aforementioned shifting issue, I would have to come to a complete stop, turn off the engine, shift back into drive, and restart before I could continue.
By the way, I purchased Caesar brand-spanking new in April of 2008. In the past two and a half years, this disgrace of a machine has, literally, cost me more in repairs than my Dodge Dakota has cumulatively since 2002. Thus, it was with pure ecstasy that I cut the cord last week and finally replaced the bratty and tantrum-throwing ATV. A John Deere Gator XUV now occupies Caesar's spot in the garage.
I'll think of a name later.
- Dan Wegmueller of
Monroe writes a weekly
column for the Times.
He can be reached at dwegs@tds.net.
