The premier sporting event around the world every year is the Super Bowl. Hundreds of millions of people from around the globe tune in for the spectacle. While many Americans watch for the game itself, much of the outside viewers tune in for the “extras,” like the commercials and halftime show.
None of these three elements truly wowed audiences this year.
Trey Wingo, a longtime ESPN anchor and radio host, had a funny 50 second long rant earlier this week calling people stupid for voicing their opinions that the game was boring.
Yes, for those who like defensive football, the game itself was a throwback in that regard — the defenses dominated. Both offenses were anemic, and every time it seemed like a big play might break out, there was a turnover or a penalty.
The game was a mess, actually. The Rams “D” is as talented as any in the NFL today, and the Patriots have the best coach in the history of the game. Say what you want about the Patriots being “cheaters,” Bill Belichick is the best schematic coach in the history of the game. If all coaches were alive today and I had one game to win, Belichick would be my guy. And now he has six rings.
The action itself wasn’t just the boring part (sorry, Wingo). The commercials were pretty drab, too. Every year I keep a running list of commercials and rate them based on how funny or emotional they are, and how memorable they might be to me. It’s not hard to giggle a lot, but this year my face resembled more of McKayla Maroney’s “meh” face than anything that would shout “joy” to those around me.
I liked the MLK/NFL ad, and loved the Hyundai elevator commercial. The only other footage in the entire first half that really made me smile were the Mr. Peanut’s commercial and the NFL 100 ad, celebrating many of the past legends of the game. My excitement of watching Barry Sanders juke defenders in a banquet hall made me vocally yelp out loud in excitement.
Other people were excited about the Bud Light Knight dying in a Game of Thrones crossover, as well as the Avengers mini-trailer — I was unamused — and the Stella Artois commercial with Carrie Bradshaw and The Dude; he’s not Jeffrey Lebowski, he’s The Dude, so that’s what you call him. That or His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino, if, you know, you’re not into the whole brevity thing.
But to me, these commercials were pretty meh. The Cenex commercial after the atrocious halftime show where the little girl uncontrollably laughs at her father every time he says the word “Dipstick” while explaining checking oil levels in a car engine was the best of the lot.
This shouldn’t have been the case. I should have been falling over myself laughing at all sorts of commercials. The commercials were blah, the game was blah and the halftime show was 3,000 blahs.
I found it comical the only option Adam Levine could come up with on the fly to save the most boring halftime show in history was to rip off his shirt. It was funny not because he was shirtless, but because he was showing the world his basic tattoos spread across his torso. It was as if the video game Guitar Hero had a create-a-player mode and the user could choose from the list of 15 generic tattoos.
Seeing Big Boi out on the stage was almost fun. The other guest performer, Travis Scott, showed up after a 3-second SpongeBob SquarePants clip. I had to ask my wife how this guy got famous — I had literally never heard of him — and she said he was also the father to Kylie Jenner’s baby. I thought Kendall was the only one left of the Kardashians, but I guess I was wrong.
The only real highlight of the night came during the “Star-Spangled Banner.” While reclining on the couch, I made a comment at how I should be ashamed at myself for not standing for the anthem. Then my 7-month-old daughter grabbed my leg and stood up. “Wow, Vivi is the most patriotic of all of us! She’s standing!” She then looked at me with the scolding face that only an infant could have, and dropped straight to her knees without looking away from my eyes. “Uh oh, now she’s protesting. Vivi, are you mad at your 6:30 bedtime?”
And if you’re offended that I stayed seated in my own home during the national anthem, where no one else saw me seated and 100 million other American also remained on their rumps, then, well, that’s just like, your opinion, man.
— Adam Krebs is a reporter for the Times and his column appears Saturdays. He can be reached at akrebs@themonroetimes.net. Oh, and hey, pitchers and catchers begin reporting to spring training tomorrow. It’s almost like we’ve made it out of winter. Almost.
