By announcing the end of her basketball career, Syd Hilliard took the most courageous step an athlete could ever take — and one that many never do — to put her mental health first. Although I was sad to hear the news, I was proud of her for doing something I’d never have the guts to do.
And this isn’t the first time Syd’s been so in tune with her body that she’s taken a step away. Earlier in 2022, she took a hiatus from basketball. I remember reaching out to her personally to let her know she wasn’t alone and that I supported her in her decision.
It wasn’t but two months later Badger track and cross country runner Sarah Shulze took her own life. She was one of at least five NCAA athletes that passed away that spring, including Katie Meyer from Stanford, Jayden Hill from Northern Michigan University, Robert Martin of Binghamton University, and Lauren Bernett of James Madison University.
These tragic events brought athlete mental health into the conversation — a conversation that shouldn’t end after the immediate shock and grief resides.
As a former collegiate athlete myself, I am no stranger to the demands of student-athlete life: wake up in the early hours to attend classes, squeeze in a couple hours of a part-time job, race to practice and end the night with homework. The day-to-day tasks become daunting and athletes go about their days running on empty. But, the sports culture that we grew up in teaches us to fight through the pain, to toughen up and get over it.
Where do we draw the line? What is an obstacle we can overcome, and what is truly a problem that needs to be addressed?
In high school, I didn’t know that line. I often stayed up late doing homework and awoke early in the morning to finish. I bottled up all my emotions on the field until they spilled over at home, where I would ugly cry in my bedroom alone so no one else could see my weakness. After all, there’s no crying in baseball [softball].
It wasn’t until college I learned to take my mental health into consideration. This isn’t meant to be a rip on coaches I had before college — my father, aunt Noel and Dale Buvid all cared about me deeply, I know this — but mental health wasn’t openly talked about at that time.
The staff at UW Oshkosh, head coach Scott Beyer, his wife Laura and her sister — former walk-on for the Badger softball team — Maria VanAbel [Stave], emphasized positive self-talk from the start. They checked in with us regularly to see how we were doing in classes and life in general.
I remember my first panic attack in college, I had no idea what was going on with my body. I skipped my next class and went to the counseling center. After calming down, I called Coach Beyer to let him know what was going on. He told me — in the nicest way possible — he didn’t want to see me at practice that evening. I was to take the rest of the night off.
It was difficult not to be there, but it was what my body and brain needed — a break. Missing one practice in March 2019 would not greatly impact my life 10 years down the road.
Looking back, I can’t thank him and the staff enough for prioritizing myself over the sport. Likewise, I applaud the UW coaching staff for supporting Syd in her decision.
Coaches, I ask you to ponder these questions. Do you know, right now, how each and every one of your athletes is doing? I don’t mean if they are sick or injured, or if they are in shape enough to run an up-down. I mean, how are they handling the school-sport balance? Do they feel pressure in the role they are playing on your team? Would they benefit from simply one night off to catch up on homework or simply not worry about sports?
Athletes, I ask you to ponder these questions. In 10-20 years, will you remember that one game or practice you missed? Will that one homework assignment really kill your grade if it is late or not done at 110%? When was the last time you took some time for yourself to do something you enjoy?
For both coaches and athletes, it’s not weak to ask for help. It’s not weak to say you need a break or you can’t handle the pressure. It’s incredibly brave to do these things and a decision that needs to be taken into more consideration.
— Natalie Dillon is the sports editor for the Times. She can be reached at ndillon@themonroetimes.com.
