MONROE - Sitting around the table, people share stories, laughter and tears as if they were old friends. They listen to one another with a level of compassion and empathy that comes from firsthand experience. Here, they have found a safe haven where they can share uncensored feelings without fear of judgment or disapproval.

Most of them were strangers not long ago - many with little in common up until recently - but that does not stop them from traveling with each other during the most difficult journey of their lives.

What brought them to gather around a table in a meeting room at Monroe Clinic's St. Camillus Center? Grief. Loss. And a hope that their darkest hours will be a bit more bearable if they walk that shaded path together.

A Complete Shock:

Pat's Story

At age 63, Pat had plenty to look forward to - visits with her six young grandchildren, as well as vacation and travel plans. All plans included her husband, Chester. Though he was seven years her senior, Pat had no reason to doubt Chester would be there by her side.

When Chester wasn't feeling well in December 2007, Pat encouraged him to see his physician immediately.

"He wanted to wait until his wellness check," she explained.

While Pat and Chester didn't know the reason for his recent lack of energy, nothing could have prepared them for the news. His doctor told them Chester had advanced gall bladder cancer. They learned it was inoperable. His doctor estimated Chester had only several months to live. Twelve days later, Chester died in their home.

"It was a complete shock," Pat said. "I lost my soul mate, my best friend."

Since her children lived miles away, Pat knew she had to find a local support system and keep herself busy. Shortly after Chester's death, she requested an increase in her hours as a greeter for Monroe Clinic and enrolled in Monroe Clinic Hospice's HEAL, a six-week bereavement support program.

An Unexpected Letter: JJ's Story

When a letter arrived at JJ's home near Argyle in February 2007, he wasn't sure what to do with it. The unexpected piece of mail invited JJ to attend HEAL at Monroe Clinic.

"I had the letter, and I put it down," JJ said.

JJ's wife had died the previous November after a 10-month battle with lung cancer. While he went through the emotional turmoil of facing a future that felt bleak without her, he also was struggling to learn to manage the home by himself.

JJ explained that if the letter inviting him to HEAL had arrived any sooner, he would have ignored it.

"I think I needed a little time to settle. I needed time to work through it, or I would not have been receptive at all," he said. "So I called and thought maybe it would be filled."

The program wasn't filled. So JJ took the next step.

"I came for the first session, and I liked it," JJ said. "I never missed one after that."

Two Perspectives of Grief: Sue's Story

Before Sue was a participant in HEAL, the Monroe resident was a hospice volunteer. Several friends who were hospice nurses felt Sue's compassion, listening skills and ability to connect with others would make her a true asset to hospice, and they encouraged her to join the Hospice volunteer program.

Sue embraced the opportunity to support patients and family members as they faced the extreme difficulties of terminal illness.

"You have to step outside your comfort zone," Sue said. "You have to take a risk and love somebody right where they are at."

When Sue's mother passed away after a short illness in December 2007, Sue already was familiar with the bereavement support programs offered by hospice, and she enrolled.

"That first week, seeing the people walk through the door, you could see their pain," Sue said. "Then, you see growth."

Finding a New Normal: Val's Story

In January 2007, Val had to face every parent's nightmare. She buried her 17-year-old son, Grant. He was the passenger in a car accident that took his life and the life of the 16-year-old driver.

As the Argyle mother dealt with the loss of her son, friends and acquaintances would tell her "Time will make it better. Time will heal."

"I had one person tell me I should be better by now," Val said.

But Val knew she wasn't going to wake up one day cured of her grief. In February 2008 - a little more than a year after Grant's death - Val enrolled in HEAL.

"When you're communicating with someone else that is dealing with grief, you're on the same wavelength," Val said. "We knew we weren't losing our minds."

Walking the

Path Together

While their experiences were personal and diverse, Pat, JJ, Sue and Val's stories each dealt with loss and grief. However, by joining HEAL, their stories progressed to share other elements - growth and hope.

Their most difficult emotions were safely expressed - anger, guilt and painful instances of vivid grief even months after the death of a loved one.

As Sue explained, "It gave me a connection with people who were feeling the same thing."

"I heard my words coming out of somebody else's mouth," Pat said. "I learned it's OK to be angry."

Donna Phillips, facilitator for Monroe Clinic Hospice bereavement programs said HEAL respects the fact that each one's experience is different.

"While no one's loss is considered worse than another's, each person's grief is unique," Phillips said.

Phillips helps guide the group as they process and normalize grief reactions. They are given information and helpful materials along the way. In week three, participants can tell their story. At the end of six weeks, each is asked to write a letter to themselves. A year later, hospice mails the letter back to the person.

"I didn't know how depressed I was until I read that letter," JJ said. "After the program, I had a direction to walk. ... You don't know you're moving along until you look back."

After completing the six-week program, participants are encouraged to attend a monthly bereavement support group for several months. The programs give participants a chance to connect, establish a support network outside of hospice, and become more self-sufficient.

The monthly and HEAL programs are offered free all year. They are open to anyone in the community dealing with the recent death of a loved on.

The Journey Continues

Having suffered the loss of a love one, JJ, Sue, Val and Pat know the path to healing is a journey, not a destination. JJ is slowly learning to adjust to a life without his wife. Sue and Donna found they complimented each other so well that Sue now uses her natural strengths as Donna's co-facilitator for hospice bereavement programs.

Val has come to accept that her grief does not have to operate according to a timeline. She still has not changed the sheets on her son's bed, but she understands that performing such a task is not a measure of her ability to grieve in a right or wrong way.

"My heart is always going to be broken, but I just need to learn what a new normal is for my family," Val said.

Pat continues to mourn the loss of her soul mate, but finds comfort in her grandchildren's innocent insight. And in those quiet moments when Pat misses Chester the most, she can reach for his ring she wears on a chain around her neck and follow her grandson's advice.

"Grandma, put one hand on the ring and one hand on your heart," he once told her. "Grandpa will always be there."