MONROE - Mothers hold much hope for their children.
But hope is not enough when a loved one has a mental illness, according to Conni Bigler, New Glarus, a member of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Board of Directors for NAMI Green County Inc.
Her son, Trevor, spent the last day of his life, Oct. 8, 2007, planning his death. He was only 29.
"As a mother, I thought, should I have known, maybe saw something?" Bigler said.
Sometimes she believes her own life had kept her too busy, too distracted to notice what her son was dealing with.
Trevor was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in his late teens and was taking prescribed medication for it.
Bipolar disorder, sometimes called manic-depressive disorder, causes mood swings that range from the lows of depression to the highs of mania. The person becomes depressed, may feel sad or hopeless and lose interest or pleasure in most activities. Then the mood shifts in the other direction, and they feel euphoric and full of energy.
Bigler learned that bipolar disorder can cause mood shifts a few times a year or as often as several times a day, and in some cases, can cause symptoms of depression and mania at the same time.
The medication Trevor was taking was supposed to have fixed any problems he had, his friends and family believed.
But nobody really saw what was coming, Bigler said. His older sister didn't notice. Neither did his friends or a cousin "who was like a brother to him," Bigler said. Trevor had become good at hiding his symptoms.
"When he withdrew from family and friends or acted moody, we felt that it was Trevor being Trevor," Bigler said. "It was his way (of dealing with life)."
After his death, Bigler discovered Trevor had been living in his car, dressing in a storage unit and showering at the Princeton Club in Madison. She thought he had been staying with friends, because that's what he told her.
After his death, she found his journal writings and learned what her son was dealing with.
"Only now can we look back and imagine what the last year or two of his life was like - living in a whirlwind, a virtual spinning vortex," she said.
"At the end he had lost his job, his apartment and the vehicle that he had lived in for the last few months of his life and for those of us who loved him most ... we never even knew," she said.
As a child, Trevor seemed to be emotionally sensitive, like she was, Bigler said. She constantly encouraged him to stay strong and to look for the positives in life. As he got older, although they didn't see each other every day, Bigler felt she and her son were close.
Two hours before his suicide, Trevor came to see his mother at work.
"He told me he loved me, and I told him, 'Everything will be OK. We'll be fine,'" Bigler said.
He smiled and agreed with her.
"He seemed happy at the time. He was calm and peaceful, but ... that's because he had already made his decision," she said.
She too had made a decision, to contact the National Association of Mental Illness in Madison. But she would not get there before Trevor ended his life.
But hope is not enough when a loved one has a mental illness, according to Conni Bigler, New Glarus, a member of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Board of Directors for NAMI Green County Inc.
Her son, Trevor, spent the last day of his life, Oct. 8, 2007, planning his death. He was only 29.
"As a mother, I thought, should I have known, maybe saw something?" Bigler said.
Sometimes she believes her own life had kept her too busy, too distracted to notice what her son was dealing with.
Trevor was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in his late teens and was taking prescribed medication for it.
Bipolar disorder, sometimes called manic-depressive disorder, causes mood swings that range from the lows of depression to the highs of mania. The person becomes depressed, may feel sad or hopeless and lose interest or pleasure in most activities. Then the mood shifts in the other direction, and they feel euphoric and full of energy.
Bigler learned that bipolar disorder can cause mood shifts a few times a year or as often as several times a day, and in some cases, can cause symptoms of depression and mania at the same time.
The medication Trevor was taking was supposed to have fixed any problems he had, his friends and family believed.
But nobody really saw what was coming, Bigler said. His older sister didn't notice. Neither did his friends or a cousin "who was like a brother to him," Bigler said. Trevor had become good at hiding his symptoms.
"When he withdrew from family and friends or acted moody, we felt that it was Trevor being Trevor," Bigler said. "It was his way (of dealing with life)."
After his death, Bigler discovered Trevor had been living in his car, dressing in a storage unit and showering at the Princeton Club in Madison. She thought he had been staying with friends, because that's what he told her.
After his death, she found his journal writings and learned what her son was dealing with.
"Only now can we look back and imagine what the last year or two of his life was like - living in a whirlwind, a virtual spinning vortex," she said.
"At the end he had lost his job, his apartment and the vehicle that he had lived in for the last few months of his life and for those of us who loved him most ... we never even knew," she said.
As a child, Trevor seemed to be emotionally sensitive, like she was, Bigler said. She constantly encouraged him to stay strong and to look for the positives in life. As he got older, although they didn't see each other every day, Bigler felt she and her son were close.
Two hours before his suicide, Trevor came to see his mother at work.
"He told me he loved me, and I told him, 'Everything will be OK. We'll be fine,'" Bigler said.
He smiled and agreed with her.
"He seemed happy at the time. He was calm and peaceful, but ... that's because he had already made his decision," she said.
She too had made a decision, to contact the National Association of Mental Illness in Madison. But she would not get there before Trevor ended his life.